I’m Toni and I’m 18 years old. When I am not in school for my GED or working, I like making stacked jeans, reading and singing. On my playlist you will find songs like Lonr’s Make the Most, Lost Cause by Billie Eilish, Freedom by Beyoncé and Bow’s Like You.
When I finish school, I’d like to go to college at LSU, Clark Atlanta, FSU, Spelman or Georgia State for psychology or nursing. I want to go to Atlanta because that’s where my friends are and I grew up in Atlanta for 10 years. It’s not like I have too much support here. I’d rather have a start fresh. I do have a friend and her family is supportive, but I feel embarrassed.
If I needed help, I would call Leslie Lacy or my case manager. I don’t really talk to my family. I have been the black sheep because my mom died of HIV when I was six years old. She was blind and could not take care of me, so I was raised by my grandmother, but at two years old I went to Atlanta to live with my godmother until I was 12 years old. I had to leave there for reasons I don’t want to talk about.
I used to be violent, but I grew up in a way cuz when I was young, I was always frustrated and angry and felt misunderstood. I was angry because no one cared like I needed them to care. People took care of me and bought me things, but they weren’t there for me emotionally and didn’t talk to me much. I’ve been hospitalized 11 times. As I got older, I realized I didn’t have to be angry. Counseling helped.
My foster care experience was a roller coaster of emotion. I wouldn’t be here if my family truly cared and if I didn’t make everyone hate me. I would do things like take money to go skating, not wear my uniform, I got into fights which led to suspensions. But this is no reason to give up on a kid.
Foster care definitely took a mental toll on me because some of the places I lived took the position “we will do enough to keep you alive.” I had to pay for my own groceries and toiletries because I had a job. I had to take care of myself. I have rules in one place that are different from another place. They change everywhere I go. I feel like it’s a money thing. Group homes care enough, but at the end of the day, it’s business.
Braces will make me feel more confident.